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We don’t often talk about the emotional or psychological side of running a business. However, in this episode -How To Protect Yourself Emotionally, I want to talk to you about protecting your mental health.
Running a business brings a rollercoaster of emotions. It is so important to make your mental health a priority in order to be your best self and be able to run your business well. Join me as I talk about some ways to safe guard yourself and cope with some of the things we all face as business owners.
Let’s take a look at some of the common things that can be emotionally draining as an entrepreneur…
How To Protect Yourself Emotionally
Here is a selection of some of the most common things we as creative business owners experience as well as some ways to cope them and avoid emotional burnout. I want you to learn to focus on your mindset. So let’s do a little mind work and dive in!
- The Unhappy Customer. We all have them once in awhile for one reason or another. Here are a few things to consider when you have such situations:
- First off, step back and sit on it a bit before you respond.
- Give yourself an honest evaluation of their complaint. Can you improve?
- Ne nice! It is really important to respond well and have good customer service. See the PDF download for examples.
- What can you do to fix it and make it right?
- Learn from this invaluable feedback and improve as needed.
2. Someone starts selling the same product as you. First off- practice writing down your thoughts and the way that you would like to feel. Remember that whatever you create is uniquely yours. You will attract your people. Remind yourself yours is unique because of_____. Also, put your blinders on! Do NOT compare. It is not healthy and you want to stick with your own original thoughts and creativity. You will perform better if you do this.
3. You see that others are growing faster than you…or getting more sales. There is always going to be someone ahead or behind you. There will always be someone who has more or less success than you. STOP following (or mute) anyone that makes you feel like you are in a funk. Do not follow up on them, and do not compare or even pay attention to what they have to offer. Do the mind work. We have control over our brains. Tell your brain what you want to think.
4. People expect you to show up and be perfect and seem to point out the mistakes you make. Recognize how that person reaches out. Is it coming from a place of love and respect? Or are they reaching out with rudeness and are upset. It is ok for them to feel that way. You cant control their emotions. Sometimes people expect perfection and that is on their shoulders. When someone judges you it shows their insecurities. Also- talking with someone who sees the best in you can help. Better yet, write down some of your best qualities in a journal to remind yourself how good you are. This is healthy.
5. Loved ones…taking a lot of time on our business can take a toll on our loved ones. Talk to those you love and ask them what they want from you. Meaning, ask them how they feel love from you. How do you feel love from me? How have I showed up for you? Let them know that you are their number one, not your business. Also, set up boundaries, specific office hours and stick to it!
6. Mentally thinking about your business ALL the time! Keep on notepad handy and jot your thoughts down to reference later. It will help your brain to not obsess with it. Also, set a time to be done and no wifi.
7. Judgement and unsolicited feedback…I recommend just being nice and even empathetic.
8. When you have been having more success than what you would consider your equals, you may start to feel resentment from those around you. Also, find a support group. We are the sum of the five people we hang out with the most. Who you surround yourself with has an effect on you. A therapist is a good option for this as well as all the other areas we have talked about.
As well as all that we have covered, here are a few tangible words of advice that have helped me with this topic.
- Have someone help with your emails- be your filter so that you can avoid the emotional aspect of negativity.
- Practice showing kindness and empathy and avoid judgement and comparison.
- Talk with those around you and put up some limits. Finding a balance in work and business. Better boundaries will greatly help you!
- I cannot recommend having a therapist enough!
I’d love to hear from you! What are some things that YOU do to emotionally protect yourself? Please DM me and share with me what has helped.
GIVEAWAY!
If you enjoy this podcast, please leave a review! Anyone who leaves a written review on Apple Podcast (now through Dec 31, 2022), will be netered to win ONE FREE MONTH of THE CRAFT TO CAREER CLUB. What is The Craft to Career Club you ask? Well… it is a breakdown of One thing to focus on each month where I guide you, hold your hand and give you all the tools you need to complete that monthly focus for your business. There is a Q&A, small groups and chances to win a coaching call etc. This club is normally for alumni, but this one month prize is open to anyone!
To enter:
1.) Leave a Review on Apply Podcast 2.) Screen shot your review (if you have already left one recently just send me a screen shot of that) and DM me with the photo.
WINNER ANNOUNCED JANUARY 2, 2022!
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Transcript
[Music] welcome to the craft to Career podcast with Elizabeth Chappell or every week we
dive into how you can turn your craft into a successful career get ready to have the career you’ve always dreamed of
[Music] hello welcome to episode 87 of the crafter career podcast I am Elizabeth
Chappell the host of the show this week I am going to chat with you about something that came up with my therapist
in my latest session and you’re gonna see how this applies to business and probably why you want a
therapist yourself as a business owner so we’ll jump into that the topic is how to emotionally protect yourself
and you know as a business owner that that is a necessary thing so we’re
gonna dive into that and all the things about how to emotionally protect yourself before we go further though I
want to share something exciting that I am offering to all of you podcast listeners
anyone who leaves a review on Apple podcasts a written review of the podcast
will be entered to win one free month of the craft a career Club so two things
how do you do that and what is the crafter career Club so first of all how you do that you have to go to Apple
podcasts and you’ll go to craft a career show you scroll down to the bottom and
you can write a review then technicalities of this you may have
already done that if you have take a screenshot of your review if you haven’t when you do write your
review take a screenshot then go into Instagram and send me a DM and share
your review that you wrote so some of you have already done this I shared it with my audience via email so
some people are already entered but if you’re not you can go ahead and leave a review and you can be entered to win one
free month January of the craft a career Club so this podcast is coming out
Friday December 16th you have until December 31st to leave a review and to
DM me and send me that screenshot because in January beginning of January
realistically it’s going to be Monday the 2nd because January 1st is New Year’s Day and it’s a Sunday but January
2nd I will announce and pick who the winner is and then let’s talk about what this is that you’re qualified to enter
so first of all if you’re listening to the podcast you’re most likely a quilterpreneur or some sort of
entrepreneur turning your craft into a career the craft to Career Club
I will break down every month one thing for you to focus on as an entrepreneur
I’ll hold your hand I’ll guide you show you how to do it give you the tools to do it and then where if you have
questions throughout the month you send those questions to me and I host a q a there’s also small groups where you get
to meet with a small group and hold yourself accountable there are prizes where you get to enter to win a coaching
call just by doing the thing that month and yeah it’s I’m really excited about
it it’s sort of like coaching that I’ve not seen before I’ve taken other courses I’ve joined other
memberships and I’ve never seen one that just breaks down exactly what to focus on month by month usually I go in I’m
like oh my goodness there’s so much information and content here it’s all really good but how do I narrow
this down or if you aren’t taking courses or classes or part of a membership it just feels overwhelming like ah what
do I do I can hear this podcast or I know that I need to do XYZ but this
overwhelm you know not to mention it can be a lonely or you just want accountability and motivation
so that is what the crafter career Club is normally this is only open to alumni
so people who’ve taken one of my courses in the past but this is a little loophole you will whoever wins I’ll do a
total random drawing of everyone who DMS me they’re a
screenshot of their review you do not have to be an alumni you will get one free month in the club
regardless if you’ve taken a course of mine or not and it might be a really great way for you to kind of feel out do
I like her teaching style is this going to be valuable uh what’s this cohort
like you know what are the people like who have taken things with her before so go ahead and leave a review on Apple
podcasts and it’s impossible to do it on Spotify at this point so Apple podcasts is the place to leave the written review
Send me a screenshot and you’ll be entered to win so with that let me actually share a
review that was just written and it is from the magical needle Paulette from the magical needle
Paulette says your podcast is the best business and quilting podcast that I’ve listened to it’s not only inspirational
but also a wealth of important information I tell all of my friends including non-quilters to listen to your
podcast you speak from your heart and tell us the good and the bad your podcast speaks volumes and I like how
you don’t sugar sugarcoat anything thank you again for your amazing down to earth podcast well Paula thank you for your
review and yeah you’ve summed me up in a nutshell Straight From the Heart I don’t
sugarcoat things and hopefully you know tangible things that can help you as a business owner
and I I’m glad that you noticed that I don’t sugarcoat things because sometimes I’ll listen to other podcasts and they
talk about how amazing things are or all you have to do is this and you get
and it sometimes leaves me feeling like a little hopeless or how but how like
how do you do that thing I know it just leaves me scratching my head a little bit more or not having these tangible
things so I’m really glad that you noticed that Paulette and that that’s coming across
to you listeners so one of those topics that um isn’t sugar coating it is today how to
emotionally protect yourself so running a business can be really hard
for a lot of reasons uh one of the big reasons is how it can affect us
emotionally as a business owner it is a roller coaster right there are days
where you feel like I am on top of the world this is amazing and then there are days where you’re
like this is the worst I need a clothes shop and we’re gonna see if I can even survive you know or everyone hates me or
I’m in incompetent I mean just the UPS the UPS are really high the lows could be really low
so I want to talk about some ways that we can emotionally protect ourselves kind of Safeguard from these things or
how to cope with them so first of all I want to take a look at some of the
things that can be emotionally difficult or draining as an entrepreneur
often we don’t talk a lot about this emotional side you know the psychological side of running a business
but I do I want to jump into that today so I made a list of some of the things
that I could think about I guarantee if this were like an open mic thing there are so many more that I can’t
think about right now that you as a business owner you’re probably like uh I just dealt with this today let me share
this one um so I don’t want to like dwell on these negative things but I just want to
bring up some things that are normal and you probably have experienced them
if you haven’t buckle up you probably will so we’ll talk about what we experience
and then I want to talk about ways to manage that so one you could have an
unhappy customer two someone starts to sell the same thing as you
three we see other people growing Their audience or selling things faster
selling more quantity basically we kind of feel like they’re having more success than we are
four when you put yourself out there all of a sudden people expect you to show up
being perfect and people one of the things that can be really emotionally difficult is people
start to point out the mistakes that you’re making and we’re going to dive into that one a little bit
number five our loved ones we spend a lot of time on our business and that can
take a toll on those that we love number six mentally thinking about the business all
the time right let’s just admit that if we’re uh I’ve been in this for years and I’m
still like oh yep still thinking about it all the time number seven judgment or unsolicited
comments feedback and number eight we talked a little bit about when you
see someone else having major success but number eight can be when those when
you’re having more success than maybe some people that you
have been equals with and maybe your growth is going a little bit faster and
you might start to feel resentment from those around you so let’s dive into
what we can do about this I’m sure I’m sure there are many others but the
things that we’re going to talk about you can apply to to Really any area that you’re feeling emotionally fragile
so rather than just focusing on oh yeah that’s hard or sitting back and talking about oh you know complaining about
what’s difficult because anything in life there’s always going to be things that where things are hard but let’s
look at how to to cope with it how to avoid emotional burnout if you will
so first we talked about on Happy customers okay so a couple of coping skills mind work
and I say this one and I know when I hear it myself I’m like oh what do you what do you mean by mind work so let’s
dive into this first of all when you hear from someone who’s unhappy
take a breath step back do not respond immediately because you may not be your best self
and so just you know take a minute to calm down maybe even take a day it’s okay just
take some time to step back and don’t show up from a place of um automatic response or replying out of
a knee-jerk reaction you know take some time to sit with it then also evaluate
as hard as it might be is there some truth to what they’re saying
because it’s actually really valuable feedback how they’re showing up might
not be the best you know or it might it might be polite but if they’re sharing something with
you that could be improved that could really help your business be better I mean we we as business owners try to
look ourselves at our business and like hmm how can I improve this but if someone gives you this advice
for free hey that’s huge like you can run with that you can use their feedback and
improve your product or your service experience and then just be nice you
know the term kill them with kindness it’s really important to be nice and to
have good customer service like nothing is more repelling than a business owner
who is proud and is like no you’re wrong I’m right or or just ugly
you won’t do any harm by being nice so just be friendly
and in fact I I have a PDF download that goes with this podcast you can go to
quilterscandy.com forward slash 87. and you can get in the show notes there
a free pdf download with some templates of auto response emails there will be a
template for an unhappy customer there will be a template for someone who is giving you unsolicited advice
there will be a few just templates that you can look at and tweak to customize but some ways to help protect yourself
emotionally so go ahead to quilterscandy.com forward slash 87 to
get those free pdf templates of email responses but yes focus on being nice
it’s just so important how you handle things you cannot handle how someone
treats you but you can always be polite back and sometimes I’ve even won a
customer back or want a customer over by handling something with Grace
and in the past I’ve also totally lost a customer because I didn’t handle it very
well so if you can learn from the School of Hard Knocks from Elizabeth and avoid
worrying about the bottom line like oh but I’m gonna lose x amount of money if I do this just be nice
if in question of how to handle it err on the side of
being extra generous and kind again School of Hard Knocks I’ve learned
that the hard way just trust me on that one then see if you can fix the thing
they’re upset about or if you can make it right in some way so a refund or
whatever that might look like for your experience or your product uh seeing if
you can make it right again you might be like well they’re just being an idiot like they don’t need
to be made right still if they’re feeling really upset honestly sometimes it’s more of an
emotional thing um if nothing else let them feel like they’re listened to and that okay thank
you so much I will definitely think about this you know even if you’re not going to um but the thing is you probably will
because when you get an email like that it tends to linger in our brains and in our minds so so
just letting them know that there’s some kind of reconciliation and then as I mentioned before learn
from the feedback improve your product improve your experience whatever it might be that you offer and again this
is invaluable feedback that you can use to make things better moving forward
so now let’s talk about if someone starts selling the same
product as you this is going to happen again if it hasn’t happened already
it will so let’s talk about some mind work here
a lot of this is mind work so just being intentional journaling is very helpful
to write down your thoughts and to even write down the way you want to feel because it will
help you get there sooner but we do not need to view that as competition if someone is selling the
same product as you which will happen if not already just know that whatever you create is
going to be Uniquely Yours your imagination your touch your personality
is going to make it yours and you are unique the way you show up
the way you present yourself you will attract your people you will
attract your Niche and so yeah there could be so many people that sell the
same product but it’s it’s about you and what you are providing and how that’s different
because of your imagination and so this also goes into really
thinking about your product and what you offer and making sure that it is uniquely you
I talk a lot about Niche and branding and this goes hand in hand with that if
you offer something that doesn’t have you and your unique spin on it
then it’s really hard to stand out from the crowd so it’s really important that
you create your product to mesh with what you love and to be
focused on one thing so that’s a whole other topic but it will really help you
as you encounter people who come out with something exactly the same as yours to remind yourself oh right no but mine
is unique because of x y z for example when I had my monthly subscription box
a few other companies came out with them as well and our Niche was one we had a
treat in it every month candy box so there was like something that you could eat but also we wanted it to be like a
boutique experience we didn’t want this to be something that you could walk into a quilt shop and find what’s in our box
on their shelves we wanted like Etsy Shop owners or some unique handmade
things that are just not really prevalent everywhere so it didn’t matter if
so many other people came out with their own box ours had this unique feel to it and unique touch
and so same with your patterns you know my Niche is this or I really focus on
using Fabrics that are like this or I write patterns that are interactive or whatever it may be
that you focus on your product and then I also want to talk about just
putting your blinders on so if you know of someone who is selling something similar to you
put your blinders on and that means if you think of like a racehorse
they have physical blinders they can see in front of them but they cannot see to
the side of them and that’s because they do not the the jockeys the owners they
do not want their horses looking to the side to see who’s next to me how am I doing compared to that person
they do better they actually perform better when they are not looking to the
side and so if you see someone offering something that’s similar to yours
I recommend not going and getting it not following them to see what they’re doing
not anything just put your blinders on and focus on your approach and your
product and making it the best and again that’s some mind work because your brain’s going to start to say but wait
maybe look and see don’t do it just don’t do it stay in your lane put your
blinders on and know that it is okay and normal it’s just gonna happen that
people are going to offer the same product um that’s that’s how the world goes but
you don’t have to let that stop you you don’t have to let that like I know some people are like oh I was going to offer
this thing but then I heard someone else is going to offer it don’t change your plans like don’t don’t do that you still
have a great idea you have something that you want to do so keep doing it move forward with it you’ve got this and
if we’re going to talk about quilt patterns and you see someone come out with a similar quilt pattern as you
or vice versa if you can take note of your inspiration and actually this is
you know I saw this tile floor this place here’s the photo that’s where I got the inspiration
then you can move forward with that confidently you know you can or hear my sketches I’ve been working on this since
this time I promise you I have seen a handful of times where people are like
oh that’s my idea they took my idea first of all stop worrying if people have your same
idea you just have to stop that and don’t spend the mental energy looking at
what other people are doing for so many reasons one then you’re you’re looking and comparing for two you
don’t want to get your ideas from them you want your ideas from the world from your experience from nature
so don’t don’t look at what other people are doing uh yeah just keep your blinders on and
rather than compete with someone else or try and catch up with them focus on your
customers spend your energy coming up with how you can serve them best what can you do to
give your customers the best experience possible so that’s that’s how we focus on that
and mentally and emotionally protect yourself from worrying about what other
people are doing and if you’re not following someone someone’s like oh so-and-so came out with that you can
honestly say I actually don’t even follow them this was completely my own I mean I just saw an article where Taylor
Swift was sued for oh what’s that song Shake It Off uh Haters Gonna Hate what’s the
other one haters gonna hate it anyhow they’re two lyrics and they’re haters gonna hate and something into something
and a band came and tried to sue her because she took those phrases from her
from their song and she was able to say actually there’s all these other songs that use that phrase too it’s just a
very common phrase and it got thrown out of the Courts because the judge said it’s true it’s just too common of a
phrase you know it’s like a common traditional Quilt Block you can’t say I came up with that first well really
someone else did a long time ago and it’s kind of open to everybody so
um just you know have confidence moving forward and don’t spend your time looking around at what other people are
doing if you’ve heard me on this podcast before you’ve heard me say do not use Instagram
to go and peruse and look at other people you’re using it as a business owner you are going to use social media
and not just Instagram but all of social media in a very different way don’t don’t use it to see to like keep up with
people or keep tabs on well how are they doing what are they doing right now especially if you offer a similar
product now if you’re looking at someone who’s in a different industry or maybe like in your top 100 your dream people
that you want to collaborate with that’s different if this is someone you want to collaborate with yes follow them but if
it’s someone who you’re like what are they doing uh how you know don’t don’t follow them don’t do that
so which ties us right into the next one if you see other people growing faster
than you or getting more sales than you this happens to me too so I am not
standing up on like a mountain saying I have it figured out guys I’m perfect no
quite the opposite we are human so all the things that we’re talking about today
happen and naturally we all react however you know but it’s taking a
minute to step back and focus like okay I actually can take control of my thoughts here I don’t need to let my
instant brain take over so we see other people growing faster
in whatever ways sales followers comments likes whatever whatever measurement there is
there will always be someone who’s ahead of us and someone who’s behind us and this happened to me recently where I
was like wait what and I literally had to step away and do some mind work and
some mental work so my first step suggestion is stop following them
if anyone makes you feel like in a little bit of a funk don’t look at their
stuff you can mute them on Instagram so you don’t have to literally unfollow them because you don’t want to hurt
their feelings or maybe you don’t care or maybe they won’t notice but if if that’s the case you can just mute them
don’t open up their emails don’t go and see how many followers they have make it
difficult because I know that I get these like well maybe I’ll just look real quick don’t do it just don’t do it
it’s gonna make you feel yuck and you don’t need that and then yeah it takes a little it takes
a little self-control so don’t pay attention to what they offer don’t look at it because this
clearly is some sort of comparison for you so it’s not going to be good to look at that just remove
yourself from their atmosphere as much as possible there might be some overlap of like well this person’s always
posting about them so I’m gonna see about them and it’s not like you can help everything but at least when it’s
really fresh do what you can to just take them out of your atmosphere for a little bit clear your head
and then take that energy that you’ve been using to look at what they’re doing
and when that happens generally it becomes sort of a desperate like oh well
I need to do this in a desperate growth or a desperate I have to do whatever whenever you are coming from a place of
desperation it’s not gonna be good again speaking from experience
but when you feel desperate and this like urgency to grow
your ideas are not it comes across like your audience can feel that
so rather than spending your thought energy on these bad desperate like I
need to catch up or whatever take that energy and focus it on your
customers connect with them the comparison measuring stick is one that
will it just leaves you feeling bad about yourself and don’t be fooled even if you’re measuring yourself and you
think wow I’m way ahead of so-and-so rather than like oh man I’m behind
don’t be fooled that is going to come and kick you in the butt real fast the point is you are comparing and
comparison will only leave you feeling bad because once you start comparing even if it’s like no but I’m doing so
well in just a second in a snap of a finger It’s Gonna Leave You feeling bad because
there’s always someone ahead of you and then you’re into this comparison mindset so again I know it’s easier said than
done but take the time to do that mind work Journal if you need to write down that this doesn’t matter I’m not about
the numbers in fact it really helps me to ask myself why did I start what I
started what’s my goal why like what brings me happiness what in my job makes
me so happy and fulfilled how can I do more of that and then all
of a sudden as soon as I remember why am I doing this it’s not to be number one
as soon as we start to rank that’s a downward spiral it’s not to be better than so and so
it’s to fill in the blank whatever your purpose is and train your mind when those
comparison thoughts come in and you’re thinking of someone else to
like take control of your brain we actually have the power to do that so
for example if you say in your brain or out loud oh man so-and-so has x amount
of people in their quilt along I only had x amount tell your brain literally or go and
write down I do not want to compare my numbers I do
not show up in a happy place for my customers instead how can I make my next quilt
along even better than I did last time and then I would even like in this exact
example I would go and send out an email to the people who did the quilt log and
this I’ll have this as a sample in the PDF but a subject line what would you
want to see different and that would catch my interest like huh what do you mean and then ask them
hey thank you so much for either I had to reach out to people who bought a pattern from me or did a quilt along and
say thank you so much for participating in one of my coolongs in the past I would love to know one thing that you
would want to see in my next quilt along just reply and let me know
and cherish those responses like first of all because someone has responded
they’re like already invested and they’re way more likely to do your next school tomorrow second of all they’re
telling you what they want like that is huge as business owners we’re always
trying to figure out what people want how can I Market how can I give them what they want well here you go they’re telling you exactly what they want
so that’s turning that energy and putting it into something useful
all right now let’s talk about if people are upset that you made a mistake this is such an interesting one and I’ve
thought a lot about it as a business owner because whenever you put yourself out there in
front of an audience is a very interesting thing but people expect leaders and yeah you’re gonna be
like I’m not a leader but you are in a way if you’re putting yourself out there you’re a type of a leader and people
expect leaders to be infallible am I saying they’re right infallible and valuable to be perfect without mistake
which is dumb right like everyone’s imperfect everything’s going to have
mistakes so first of all this is we’re just going to talk about because someone is reaching out to you and letting you know
that you’ve made a mistake so first of all recognize how they’re reaching out to you you can’t control how they’re
reaching out to you but you can first look at is this coming from a place of Love is
it coming from hey I really like and respect you hey just FYI if so be so
appreciative they’re helping you I know too many people who are afraid to reach
out and say hey there’s this mistake because they feel like it’s rude it’s not like
at least for me I appreciate that and you should too as a business owner try
to appreciate when people reach out and share things with you it’s like having
free Tech editors out there they’re going to catch your mistakes and let you know for
free awesome thank you so much I know can fix that thing oh my gosh thank you
thank you thank you now if someone reaches out and they’re rude and they’re upset you know in the
first case they’re reaching out because they love you in this case we’re talking about if someone’s rude or they’re upset first of
all it is okay for them to feel that way it does not mean that a they are never
going to shop from you again and maybe they won’t but it doesn’t matter like
honestly you cannot control their feelings you can’t control their emotions you can’t control their
communication and how they’re going to reach out to you recognize that people sometimes expect
Perfection and that that is an inside job on their shoulders that’s an issue
that they need to resolve brene Brown who I love teaches us that
Perfection comes from shame so when people are reaching out to you because oh my gosh you did this and it’s
not perfect oh for shame that’s so terrible that’s their issue it’s not yours
we never as business owners start go out there and say we’re perfect we make no
mistakes no we’re coming out and saying hey I discovered this thing or I created
this thing and I think you’re really gonna like it here you go never never in there have we
said I’m perfect I make no errors never gonna make a shipping mistake nothing no
no no no the entire human population makes mistakes and the minute someone’s
expecting Perfection that is a problem for them so first of all let’s have a
little empathy for that person that they are really struggling with perfectionism and judging and whenever someone judges
other people they are judging themselves that sounds so cliche and the first time my husband told me that years ago I’m
like I don’t know about that the more I live The more I’ve looked around it is true the minute you see someone talking about
somebody else there is shame there whether they’re saying oh my gosh they’re so fat oh look at that outfit oh
can you believe that you know if you were like take your hand and you point your finger at
somebody there’s those three fingers that point back at you have you heard that saying whenever you’re pointing
someone there’s three fingers pointing back at you the idea behind it is very true that the more you’re pointing
fingers at other people it just it it’s like a mirror of yourself it shows your
insecurities or in the other case it shows their insecurities so generally speaking when I get when
anyone gets an email from someone like I can’t believe you did this they have so many insecurities about
themselves my guess is they are not putting themselves out there as a business owner because they would be so
terrified that someone would judge them that way people who freely go out and give they
usually aren’t judging people that much and so they’re not worried about other people’s judgments just notice go
throughout your life I mean just even the next week notice people who are talking about other people
or judging other people and how they feel about themselves and then look for
people who are generally just pretty positive and try to avoid talking about other people
they have a much healthier look on their own self so that’s kind of a deep thing to get into there but point is
if someone reaches out and they’re really upset because you’ve made a mistake it doesn’t matter if you made the
mistake or not the mistake is irrelevant the thing that we’re talking about here
is the shame like if someone’s approaching you in a in a bad blaming way or
shameful way that is on them now there really might be a mistake and
if so again thank them for that apologize make it right but it’s just
not realistic for any person to have a perfect anything like I even have people
in my quilt pattern writing class they’re like oh no I put a pattern out and it had a mistake I’m like huh
yeah that’s normal like you can have all the tech editors in the world obviously you don’t want to
have it be like chock full of errors and and just bad but if you have a mistake
here and there that is okay like that’s normal um I’m not saying like you want to have
your math a way off or anything I’m just saying we are all going to have some mistakes and so
it’s it’s hard I get it when it’s in the public eye but everyone makes mistakes
whether or not it’s private or public there are mistakes happening for everyone it’s just that we as
entrepreneurs are putting ourselves out there to have those mistakes seen by others and really it takes a lot of
courage to do that so if nothing else pat yourself on the back like yeah you know I put myself out there and I’m
doing this so good for me there’s a mistake I’m gonna fix that and move forward and and then thank them and be
kind about it also I would talk to a friend or a loved one when when that happens because it
will if you’re in business long enough it’ll happen but find someone who sees the best in you and just you can even
ask them I just need some validation right now like tell me my good attributes because sometimes you can get
really down I know I do or I’m like okay remind me all the good things about me again yep got it or go to your Journal
even better if it comes from yourself and write down the good things about yourself it is not conceited
if not proud it’s healthy it is healthy to see the good in yourself
and then again think about why you do what you do it’s not to provide a
blemish free perfect free thing it’s to and I won’t even go in to say what it is
because that’s very personal for each one of you but why do you offer what you offer and
fall back on that go back on that and then also I highly recommend saving your
nice emails and your nice DMs I literally have a folder called happy customers and then I have one called
funny emails which aren’t so funny they’re actually I mean I say funny so that I can laugh
at them like haha this is crazy but people who send really nasty emails I put them in a funny folder which I hope
to like compile a book one day of all of those um and sadly I only started doing that
recently I wish I’d done that from the beginning of my business but those are more to write a book one
day but do save the positive ones and I have been doing that for a while and letters
sometimes people will send letters in the mail or something which honestly makes my day or a gift
just put those in a place where you can go back and look at them and remind yourself of the good that you’re doing and the impact that you’re making the
lives that you’re touching nothing can pick you up like knowing okay I’ve impacted this person and this person and
that’s why I’m doing this and then
know that you are not alone because it’s very easy to feel like I am
the worst there’s no way and again in the comparison that so and so or so and
so ever gets an email like this or ever makes a mistake like this I’m going to tell you right now that
everyone who is in business gets this feedback everyone makes mistakes everyone’s had
embarrassing like I will never tell a soul about this and I would die you know
like just everyone every person even those that you look at and think nope no
way and they’re too perfect I bet my life and some people I know who are friends in the industry that I thought that
before and then we talk I’m like oh there’s like an odd sense of relief like oh good they’ve had that too thank
goodness I’m not alone if they can do it then surely I’ll be okay too so you’re
not alone this is not the end of your career in fact you have got to get this
kind of feedback to learn how to improve and to strengthen you know toughen your skin a little bit it’s just part of the
ride so buckle up and and consider yourself like okay I’ve made it
I have made it now if you’re getting those kinds of emails more than you’re getting the good ones that’s you know worth looking at which brings me to the
next Point use this as an opportunity to improve don’t be so arrogant to think like nope
they’re wrong I couldn’t possibly make a mistake no no no them them honestly step
back and evaluate like is their truth to what they’re saying how can I make this better
and then sit with the fact that you aren’t perfect accept it and embrace it
the faster you can let go of that ideal the faster you can put out content and
be okay with it not be perfect I mean I’ve talked about it before but you just have to get the content out there you’ve
got to share your stuff and if you are paralyzed by oh it’s not going to be perfect or some mistakes you’ll just
you’ll never move forward so sit with that embrace it we’re not
perfect we’re not meant to be it’s okay life goes on in fact people are gonna
love you even more for just being real and the people who don’t aren’t your people so there we are and then you know
let people know oh yes thank you so much thank you for pointing this out I’d love to give you blank as a thank you for for
catching that uh saying thank you and showing that to them and then our loved ones right okay we’re
talking about emotional resilience our loved ones how many of you who run a
business feel like sometimes your relationships struggle a bit or take a back seat
because the business is number one priority every single one of us at some point because this balance in life and I say
that with like quotations around it is such a false idea that like oh we can find balance
so yeah oof this is a hard one we love our business but we don’t want to
sacrifice you know our family friends partner whatever for the business
so what I recommend is talking to your loved ones
ask them what they want from you and also know I mean I wouldn’t go to like
my youngest child and say I I would word it in a way not just like what do you want from me especially knowing if one
of my kids were to be like well actually what I really want is a shopping spree or you know but just asking them how how
do you feel love from me how have I been showing up for you lately I want to be here for you I love
my business but you come way before that like you’re my number one let them know
that you love them then also I suggest setting up office hours like make this a
non-negotiable where I will be done working by whatever time and stick to it just commit tell
yourself nope I will not do work once the kids are home or once we have dinner
or whatever whatever that might look like for you set your office hours and it can be
especially hard if you work from home where you can work whenever literally whenever like I do but I mean you can
but it’s really important to to set some boundaries for yourself and then I’m working on this one myself
with my phone but turn off your phone and or your computer at a certain time and again hold yourself to it or or turn
off I mean for me it’s really got to be the phone if I just say don’t open up Instagram or don’t open up whatever
uh if the phone’s there it’s just like a natural twitch of the thumb just click on it or delete the apps until the next
day or or you can lock them you can even go to downtime if you have an Apple phone I don’t know about others but I
have an Apple phone and you can go to downtime and it’s at certain times where you cannot open up the app
um so just you know having some boundaries and good communication can really help with that and then mentally
thinking about the business all the time right we we know if you listen to the podcast this is me raise your hand if
this is you I would really love I mean are there entrepreneurs out there who don’t think about their business all the
time if so shoot me a DM and just tell me what that’s like inside your brain because I’m very intrigued because I
know I talk to other entrepreneurs and they’re like oh yeah all consuming all the time so please tell me if you are an
entrepreneur out there and your business is not all consuming because I’m very fascinated
so right mentally thinking about your business all the time what can you do about this I only have a couple of ideas
because because because I think about it all the time but I do like to keep an I have notes
like a notepad on my phone and if I get ideas I’ll go in and jot a note down and
that way I don’t have to keep thinking about it or obsessing about it or I hope
I don’t forget about this I wrote it down and if I especially let’s say I know I’m trying to give an example
well couple things if I think of a pattern name I like to keep a running list of names for patterns that I could
potentially use so that’s something but let’s say I think of a podcast idea and
I’ll say I want to talk about this and then I want to be sure to cover this this and this I’ll just jot down those
things that I want to be sure to cover it’s been very helpful and then I’m able to shut my brain off and not keep
obsessing or thinking about it because I know it’s written down and I can come back to that and I do go back to that
and it works it works really well and then again set a time to be done
with work and stick to it otherwise there is always more you can do always
right people are like oh I’m done I’m like what do you mean you’re done there’s always more like
it’s of my own creation but like there is always more that could be done and so
realizing it’s just gonna have to be me stepping away and sometimes I literally have to go on vacation to where like I
will be checked out I will be out without Wi-Fi like I I
have to go out and it takes me a little bit to unwind and then I’m like ah yes this is really good I need this so
sometimes even just like checking out literally like bye I’m going we’re going on vacation no Wi-Fi
which is hard nowadays to find a place with no Wi-Fi but you can do it
and then that topic of if you feel like you’re having more success than some of
your peers people who maybe you were moving at the same Pace as and now all of a sudden you’ve grown a little bit
and you might feel like they are
hurt or jealous or whatever you know whatever those feelings might look like I recommend just
being nice being empathetic letting them cope you cannot control them how they’re
going to cope with that or feel and experience it is out of your control you
do not need to feel bad about having success and you don’t need to try and fix anyone
else so you kind of have to let them go through what they’re going to go through and recognize that it’s totally normal
my guess is you’ve gone through it yourself those feelings and so we all know that it’s kind of hard as much as
nice as we all are as much as we want to like yes there’s room for everyone there’s also a natural part of us that’s
going to at first be like oh whoa what you know I mean it’s like my best friend
in high school and then in college she got married and I was like what what you’re leaving me for this guy I feel
abandoned like you know it can feel like that when you’ve been equal equal and
all of a sudden growth for you and not them it can feel like abandonment or or so many things
so just being gracious and kind and letting them figure that out and being
there when they are ready and if you realize actually this may not be the
best friendship I’m not sure that they have my best interests in mind that might happen too and that’s okay you can
still be nice but having those safe boundaries also you know is very helpful
and then just in general find a support group I don’t even know where I heard this the first time but we are the sum
of the five people we hang out with the most so surround yourself with positive
people if you are surrounding yourself with people who are judging others who are feeling insecure it’s going to rub
off we really are the sum of who we surround ourselves with so I mean one of
those people could be me with the podcast if you’re surrounding yourself with that and listening to it all the time it does rub off like it will have
an effect on you uh but you know find a good group of people find people who are
not I mean and when I say find people who are successful I’m not saying like you need to find Stepping Stones like
you need to find people who are gonna lift you up I don’t care what their success looks like in terms of money or
numbers I’m not talking comparison like that I just mean people who are actually
doing the things and having success in whatever whatever way that might look
like you know and who are positive and happy because there are definitely some successful people that I’m like I’d
rather not I just rather not they’re you know my husband’s a financial advisor and we went on a trip with all these
other financial advisors and there were some that I’m just like oh they’re very full of themselves
and others who were so down to earth and you know some are like right off the bat oh yeah I have another home here and we
travel all over the world I’m like oh you think you’re really cool and then other people like were you know
a award thing and you would have no idea what they do how much they are they
don’t talk about it they don’t flaunt it you know and so those are the people that I’m like yep I’ll be I’ll be your person
let’s hang out you and me and so it’s the same you want to find people who are down to earth who you mesh with who are
positive who can lift you up if you’re feeling down they can hey remind you you’re you’re good or if you really did
make a mistake because that also happens rather than just like oh there was a typo sometimes you can make some really
big Loops of daisies and for someone to have your back and be like don’t worry
about it like if this happens it’s gonna be okay let’s pick ourselves up and move forward
and also you know avoid talking poorly about other people especially names like
oh did you see so-and-so it’s very very easy for us to do that as humans
um especially in business it doesn’t matter anywhere I say especially in business but really anywhere so just
avoid that trap of talking about people because it pretty quickly falls into that comparison or judgment which again
comes to the inside job where that says much more about us than it does about
the person we’re talking about and then as I mentioned at the very beginning I highly recommend having a
therapist it has been so helpful for me as a professional we honestly mostly
talk about business when we talk it’s surprising when I’m like actually I’ve got something else to talk about today it’s like oh really huh which goes to
show you how much I think about my business but um hugely helpful to talk to a professional who is removed they can
give you sound advice they don’t know these other people you know they are strictly professional and removed from
the situation and they can help you with whatever you’re struggling with so highly highly recommend having a
therapist I mean entrepreneurship like I said it is a ride emotionally so there are some
things that we can do to protect ourselves and so also just some things to think
about like in practice so these have been a lot of mind set things but actual tangible thing that I have done
and I I get that at the very beginning of your business this is maybe not an option
unless you have like an intern who’s not getting paid but but point is I have someone now that
I’ve hired who is in my inbox and I had to have that I was not in a
good place emotionally first of all checking my emails every day the volume of emails that came in
and then with my ADHD like for whatever reason emails are really bad for me is I
it’s not it is not my skill set like checking my emails and getting back to them I just makes me want to cringe
but then also any email that I got where someone was even slightly upset it
really would throw me in a funk and so I have now someone who reads my emails and
we talk and she’ll say okay you’ve got this this this and if someone is unhappy she’ll just give me a summary and say
someone wants a refund I don’t know I’m just coming up with something they want a refund for your pattern I don’t know because of a
typo that actually has not happened I’m just making that up but um to just tell me the facts instead of me
going in and reading their email that’s very emotionally written you know uh so
that’s been a very good filter and has really helped me so if that’s a big
thing for you see how and when you could get someone to go into your inbox I mean it’s got to
be someone you trust and all of that but it’s very very helpful to have just like a wall there where you don’t need to be
the first line of defense the first person to read all of those just have a little bit of a filter
and then you know just in general practice showing kindness towards others
like I mentioned the less you judge or get upset with others first of all the easier it is to see the
good in others and to have empathy but the less you’ll judge yourself and the more kind you will be towards yourself
and when people get upset with you it’s much easier to just show up from a place of kindness and
and giving them a little bit of Grace or giving them some room to like yeah it’s okay
I get it you know um so yeah practice giving kindness and assuming the best from others
and then you know talking with those around you how how can I show up best for you like your loved ones and putting
some things in place like I will have these office hours I will be done at this time I mean that’s very good
mentally for so many reasons but also just emotionally to protect yourself to
have some balance in life again balance is this elusive like non-existent thing
but some better boundaries in your life will really greatly help you and of course a
good therapist I cannot stress that one enough it is it is just so awesome to talk to a professional
so those are my tips for you today on how to emotionally protect yourself as
an entrepreneur I would love to hear from you on any other ideas you have of how to
emotionally protect yourself what are some things that you do send me a DM DMS are the best you just
heard how I feel about email I mean I have someone and they’re helping but send me a DM because I do check those
and let me know you know what what do you do to emotionally protect yourself what has helped and if you want the free
templates where I have some written down emails that you can use go to
clickerscandy.com forward slash 87 this is episode 87. and you can get those
free email templates that you can use you could use them as a DM you can use
them however you want but they’re already pre-written and you can just tailor them to you your business your
message so thank you so much for being here on the craftyguru podcast I will be
back next Friday with a brand new episode and don’t forget to write a review on Apple podcast because you will
be entered to win January the month of January of the crafted career Club for free
also don’t forget to take a picture of your review and send it to me
because this may have been like oh I left a review a year ago that’s fine if you’ve done that go ahead send me the
screenshot and you are entered and again thank you so much for being here have a wonderful week we’ll see you next Friday
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